Hush Now, Child

I want to talk to you about people.

I want to talk to you about how magical they are. How enormous and pulsing and completely soul-bendingly, beautiful, shaping the pace of your blinks and breaths and the way you use your tooth brush they are.

I want to talk to you about how the nap you took this afternoon was miraculous. How feathers and sleep and youth and sirens and The Hangover are all "it."

I want to talk to you about listening to Katy Perry on repeat and wanting so badly to feel and to feel and to feel and I need to shower.

Nothing I'm saying feels like I'm getting the "it" of it. I don't even know if I can see the "it" of it.

I don't know how to unpack everything on my plate right now.

I don't know how to articulate "I don't think there are soul mates"

because of course I think there are soul mates. Otherwise it wouldn't hurt so bad to say "I don't think there are soulmates.

And what person goes on an emotional journey where they sit around and wonder what love is and what love isn't in a really active way? What am I trying to understand? I'll never arrive at an answer...it's a solutionless problem that's completely anchored in my believing that there's some sort of an emotional destination that I haven't yet reached...and I guess I just wish I understood what Brianna wants - what Brianna is looking for - Because I want to help her.

I love her, a lot.

And I think what I'm getting at is that I want to talk to you about people, but I don't feel like an entire person lately.