Hush Now, Child

Things to keep in mind:
01. If you smoke cigarettes, quit now. If not, don’t start.
02. If you get a credit card, destroy it.
03. Real ID’s work better than fake ID’s, but real ID’s will get you in bigger trouble. 04. Don’t get in a stranger’s car, even if you’re with your friends. The stranger probably won’t rape you, but he might be wasted and drive off a canyon road and you might end up smashed into a tree.
05. Buy condoms, better yet, don’t even have sex. Buy a vibrator if you must.
06. DRINK WATER. DRINK ALL OF THE WATER. Your thighs will thank you.
07. Wear SPF 15 on your face everyday, and probably your neck and hands, too.
08. Trust your instincts. They’re most likely more reliable than anything some dummy says.
09. Themed parties are not, in fact, the best things ever.
10. Don’t wear waterproof mascara. It’s not that waterproof, if it is it looks like crap, and it’s bad for your eyelashes.
11. GOOGLE EVERYTHAAANNNGGGG.
12. Be okay by yourself, do things by yourself. The more you do alone, the better off you’ll be.
13. If you know a particular neighbourhood isn’t safe, don’t go into it. No matter how “cool” and “chill” your friend’s cousin says it’s gonna be ‘cause his homie said so, you’ll probably still get shot at.
14. It’s fine to walk away from a crappy person/situation.
15. You can’t change people; you can hope, but you might be setting yourself up to be seriously disappointed, both in the other person and yourself. You can personally change, or you can walk away.
16. Respect your elders but still question authority.
17. TRAVEL. Whether it’s to Europe or a random road trip, do it. Just get in the car and start driving. Don’t forget a map for when your GPS blows up, and get AAA. They might save your life in the middle of nowhere Arizona at 4AM.
18. Martha Stewart is a wonderful woman.
19. Don’t send any nudes to anyone. If you do, don’t complain when they get leaked.
20. Read books and try to stay off the internet as much as possible.
21. Being wrong is a good thing as long as you’re learning.
22. Don’t dye the crap out of your hair. Your hair is beautiful and you won’t realise this until your in the shower one morning and your hair is falling out while you’re shampooing it. Don’t ruin your hair.
23. Get tattoos where they can be concealed. Don’t cover your entire body with ink until you’re in your thirties, naked bodies are gorgeous as they are. You don’t need all that crap on you, but if you think you do, just for the love of the Lord leave your thighs alone.
24. Your parents were probably right. Unless they were wrong.
25. Start eating healthy now, you’ll be much happier and better off later. I don’t mean diet, I just mean make good food choices. At the very least, eat breakfast, every day. The bigger the better. I don’t care if you’re gonna be in a thong bikini at the beach, freaking eat breakfast.
26. Don’t wear thong bikinis at the beach
27. If you don’t have integrity, you don’t have much.
28. Don’t cheat on your significant other. If you think you might, break up with them.
29. Don’t hook up with people who are in a relationship. Don’t flirt with them, don’t make any advances on them. It might feel nice for a second and you might feel some weird screwed-up version of special, but you’re not. You’re just sad. And probably a butthole.
30. Don’t be a butthole.
31. Watch what you say, and listen carefully to others. Don’t gossip.
32. There’s nothing wrong with being honest, but tact is something that’ll help make it sound better.
33. Pray. I don’t care if it’s to Jesus, Allah, Jehovah, Zeus, if you’re shaman summoning, meditating every morning in bed, or dancing around naked outside on a full moon. Do whatever you do, just sit back and appreciate what you have.