Wrong thoughts I had today that make me fear for my futurebrain:
1. “Well, I’ve got my sweaters on,” instead of, “slippers.”
2. “That sandwich was comfy,” instead of, “good.”
3. “Someone should really eat all of those weeds in that person’s yard,” instead of, “cut.”
Bonus features: This wasn’t a thought, but when I got to Taco Bell today, the door was obviously a pull door. So I held on to the handle and pushed. Nothing. I took my hands off before I gripped the bar and pushed again. Nothing. I looked through the plate glass and saw a bespectacled cashier flirting with a customer who was standing at the counter waiting for her food, and I felt bad interrupting their convo. I took a step back, really looked at the door, and then tried again. Pulled. It caught, as though locked. I jiggled it. No dice. Pulled harder. Nothing. Finally I knocked on the plate glass. I smiled a little, as if to say, “Sorry for ruining the mood,” and both people glanced over and then looked away. So I tried pulling again. Nope. Definitely locked. Finally, I knocked loudly. Assertively. The knock of a lady with places to go after picking up some tacos. And the cashier came over and pushed the door open and said, “Oh, sorry about that. You need to pull it,” like I’m some kind of animal. Like I’m Nell wandering around the West Village and today was the day I stumbled upon my first door. By that time I was just so exasperated my only response was, “Yeah, I know. I just… couldn’t do it,” but he wasn’t even listening. He was trotting back to the counter to pick up his chat with blonde barbie waiting for her one taco, no sour cream.
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